In Sickness And In Health
Posted on 2025-08-01
Category: Lifestyle
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I was diagnosed with a certain condition about 4 months ago. It is not life threatening. The medication has various side effects like weakness, mood swings, dizziness and nausea. I started seeing someone about a month and a half ago. I told him when we met that I was diagnosed with this condition. Last week I had a particularly bad week and was feeling ill. He called me to see if I was doing okay and I asked him to come by. He stopped by after work but didn’t stay long, which hurt my feelings. He came over this weekend and I told him that it was important to me that he be more supportive when I’m having an off day. He said he would, but I’m not sure he means it. How do I know he’ll stick around when things get tough if he seems so wishy washy now? |Age: 34
Seeing someone suffer or in pain is not easy. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known them. Pain is pain, be it physical, emotional or mental. Some people just don’t like confronting that because it reminds them of their own mortality. It also can make someone feel very powerless. It’s like when an infant is crying and you’re trying to figure out what they want. They can’t tell you what’s going on with them or where it hurts. So you stand there desperately trying to decipher the root of their discomfort and feel like a total failure if it takes you one minute to long. You feel helpless. And nobody likes to feel helpless.
You want someone who will be supportive and sympathetic. The best way to get what you need is to offer it yourself. Tell him that you understand how difficult and unsettling it can be. Explain that you don’t need them to take the pain away, just be there because the pain makes you afraid or nervous. Ask him if there is something about what you’re going through that scares him. Maybe he’s afraid he’s going to lose you, or that things won’t work out because of your treatments.
He also could possibly be re-evaluating the situation and trying to determine if this is something he can handle. If there were ever two words in the English language that made men uncomfortable, it’s “mood swings.”
Or maybe he feels as though you’re expecting too much of him, too soon. He could be uncomfortable with playing nursemaid as he thinks that might imply he’s more obligated than he’s ready to be right now. Which could have nothing to do with your health, BTW. Everyone is allowed to decide if a certain situation is right for them. A month and a half isn’t very long. Depending on the quality of your time together thus far, it might be too soon for you to expect this much from him. It’s great that you were upfront about your condition. But it’s one thing to talk about an illness in the hypothetical. It’s a whole other ball of wax to have to deal with it first hand. No doubt you assured him you would be fine. He believed you. Not just because he wanted to, but maybe because he had to. Nobody likes to acknowledge that they’re mortal. We all know we are. But how many of us sit around and wonder how we’re going to die? We don’t. It’s just too scary. Plus, it’s inevitable. There’s nothing we can do to stop it. Talk about powerless. Dwell on that on a regular basis and you won’t leave your house.
I think you need to give this guy some time to adjust. Talk to him and tell him your concerns. Explain the ins and outs of your condition. Educate him. But…be very aware of whether or not you’re using your condition as a way to get him to care more than he does. Don’t use your health as a way to guilt him in to giving you more attention. He’ll resent you for it. You also don’t want to wonder if he’s sticking around because he worries he’ll look like a heel for leaving you.